Reclaim Sex After Birth

When we experience fear, our body reacts by releasing adrenalin. Adrenalin is a call to arms that our body recognises in the fight or flight response. The body redirects blood away from ‘non essential’ organs to essential ones that enable us to action - either to run away or to stand and flight. The release of oxytocin, the hormone connected with sexual activity and orgasm, is blocked by adrenalin. In labour, this interaction between oxytocin and adrenalin can cause labour to slow or stop entirely, make it more painful and difficult to cope with (this article by Dr Sarah J Buckley explains the hormonal blueprint for birth).

If we are carrying any fears around sex, then you can be sure that when the time comes, blood will not rush to the errogenous zones of your body. Rather than wanting to get up close and personal, your body is thinking of making war - not love, or of hiding away where it is safe.

Acknowledging and accepting that we have fears, concerns and worries around re-engaging in a sexual relationship is an important first step.

Over the space of a few months I came to understand that I had fears, what they were and where they were coming from. However it took a long time before I realised that my partner wasn’t a mind reader, and I needed to have the courage to articulate my fears directly to him - I needed to tell him what I was feeling. Only when I discussed my fears him, was he able to understand what was psychologically and emotionally fueling my need to say ‘no’ to sex.

It’s important to also remember, that not just women that have fears, men have them also.

What fears did you have about resuming a sexual relationship with your partner? Did you broach them with you partner? How did you personally move through the fears? How did you together, as a couple, more through them? What fears (If any) do you still hold ?

Just when IS the right time to .. you know…. get back into it?

There seems to be some magical occurrence after the six week mark and so many couples are dreadfully disappointed when that ‘something’ doesn’t happen. The physical facts are that within six weeks of birthing, your uterus should be back to its pre-pregnancy weight and size. Breastfeeding assists in stimulating the hormones released around this function. This is the reason that you are meant to have a six week check up and then are medically are ‘fit’ to commence intimate relations. Ignored and unaddressed are the emotional and psychological changes that have occurred.

Throughout the literature available both in hard copy and on the internet, this notion of the mythical 6 week check continues as some sort of goal post. What are your experiences of this check? Did it happen? What happened in it? If it didn’t happen, why not?