Reclaim Sex After Birth

You now find this page at http://reclaimsexafterbirth.com/breastfeeding-sex-fertility-contraception.html

We apologise for the inconvenience.

:o) Jodi & Annie

Everyone’s experiences make them an expert in their own right - so what is right for one couple may not be appropriate for another. Having sex after giving birth may either be very exciting or very anxiety provoking, or both. There are just as many women who feel that they are ready soon after birthing than there is who ‘put it off’ sometimes for months afterwards.

Most couples wait for the magical 6 week mark and are dreadfully disappointed when that incredible pre birth sex doesn’t happen. The physical facts are that within six weeks of birthing, your uterus should be back to its pre-pregnancy weight and size. Breastfeeding assists in stimulating the hormones released around this function. This is the reason that you are meant to have a six week check up and then are medically are ‘fit’ to commence intimate relations. Ignored and unaddressed are the emotional and psychological changes that have occurred.

For many women, the desire that they once had simply isn’t there. This is due to a myriad of reasons and can often be a complex matter to uncover.

Reasons for decreased desire

• Hormones: Desire for Sex and intimate touching or proximity is often diminished after birth due to decreased hormone levels. This may be particularly true for breastfeeding mothers, where the hormonal suppression can last months. Hormone levels rapidly decrease after birthing, and dependant upon your health, may fall contributing to PND and adjustment issues.
• Fatigue: Fatigue is a major factor. The baby is waking up at all hours, leaving you physically and mentally exhausted.
• Time: The opportunity just isn’t there. Life is suddenly changed to the point of chaos. This is particularly distressing for those mothers ( pick me!) who had been used to living their lives on a schedule and with a diary in hand.
• Body Image: Sometimes women and men feel differently about the woman’s body after she gives birth. Showing your love and support are especially during the first few months of being a parent. Remember you love each other. Remember to say so.
• Anxiety: Many women feel anxiety about the pain they might experience. Sex may be uncomfortable at the beginning, due to stress, stitches, healing and bruising. Your perineum may be very tender long after the six-week. Especially if you are breastfeeding, you may experience vaginal dryness due to lack of hormones.

You and your partner need to communicate about any issues that concern you, and only engage in sex when you both feel ready. You may want to explore other avenues of making love aside from sexual intercourse, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation, until both of you feel comfortable with intercourse.

For more indepth information on a range of related topics go to our website http://reclaimsexafterbirth.com

or buy our ebook!

A free chapter is available here ‘The Post Birth Body’

or for you can find the comprehensive table of contents here

Hormone levels in pregnant and recently birthed women goes from one extreme to the other. These massive hormonal changes directly effect mood, the way a woman reacts to events and the meaning she places on things that are said and done ( and NOT said and NOT done..)

The main hormone produced during pregnancy is progesterone and this steadily rises as pregnancy progresses. It is matched with the rising production of estrogen – and this huge gushing and influx through the day, throughout pregnancy; is responsible for the myriad of emotions experienced by the pregnant and new mother.

Many women feel very sexy, within their feminine power whilst they are pregnant. Some lose any inhibitions they may have had ( especially with body image) and passionate, loving sex ensues. Of course there is the other end of the spectrum where the male partner may be repelled at their partners shape or have emotional issues with the changing nature of their partner, or a woman who either through dreadful morning sickness, emotional trauma or exhaustion, has their sex drive drop below zero.

Hormone levels rapidly decrease after birthing, and dependant upon the health of the woman, may fall contributing to PND and adjustment issues. After birthing you still produce estrogen, but much less progesterone. If a woman is not eating healthful foods, resting and feeling nurtured, it may lead to the hormones becoming out of balance or having “Too much estrogen” in the world of medicine is called - “estrogen dominance”. ( Look it up – but amongst the list of complaints is LOW SEX DRIVE)

Again – on the other hand, there are women who birth and feel very empowered, their sex drive kicks in and are ready to go! There really isn’t a ‘norm’ here. Throughout pregnancy and after birthing, it is very important to nurture the new mother and allow her to know that its normal to have these feelings of being overwhelmed, to keep up the intimacy, gentle touches etc. Having a strong relationship with clear communication and thoughtfulness on the part of each partner is the key. Both may be feeling confused, exhausted or excited and the loving touch is a gentle reminder that they are not alone. Allow the pace to go where it will, with no judgments. A rejection of sex is not a rejection of the person. It’s a ‘Not now or Not in this space or Show me you really love me” message. This is where you need to be familiar with your partners primary “Love Language” – so that you can indulge each other in the way that you feel loved and they receive love.