Reclaim Sex After Birth

Everyone’s experiences make them an expert in their own right - so what is right for one couple may not be appropriate for another. Having sex after giving birth may either be very exciting or very anxiety provoking, or both. There are just as many women who feel that they are ready soon after birthing than there is who ‘put it off’ sometimes for months afterwards.

Most couples wait for the magical 6 week mark and are dreadfully disappointed when that incredible pre birth sex doesn’t happen. The physical facts are that within six weeks of birthing, your uterus should be back to its pre-pregnancy weight and size. Breastfeeding assists in stimulating the hormones released around this function. This is the reason that you are meant to have a six week check up and then are medically are ‘fit’ to commence intimate relations. Ignored and unaddressed are the emotional and psychological changes that have occurred.

For many women, the desire that they once had simply isn’t there. This is due to a myriad of reasons and can often be a complex matter to uncover.

Reasons for decreased desire

• Hormones: Desire for Sex and intimate touching or proximity is often diminished after birth due to decreased hormone levels. This may be particularly true for breastfeeding mothers, where the hormonal suppression can last months. Hormone levels rapidly decrease after birthing, and dependant upon your health, may fall contributing to PND and adjustment issues.
• Fatigue: Fatigue is a major factor. The baby is waking up at all hours, leaving you physically and mentally exhausted.
• Time: The opportunity just isn’t there. Life is suddenly changed to the point of chaos. This is particularly distressing for those mothers ( pick me!) who had been used to living their lives on a schedule and with a diary in hand.
• Body Image: Sometimes women and men feel differently about the woman’s body after she gives birth. Showing your love and support are especially during the first few months of being a parent. Remember you love each other. Remember to say so.
• Anxiety: Many women feel anxiety about the pain they might experience. Sex may be uncomfortable at the beginning, due to stress, stitches, healing and bruising. Your perineum may be very tender long after the six-week. Especially if you are breastfeeding, you may experience vaginal dryness due to lack of hormones.

You and your partner need to communicate about any issues that concern you, and only engage in sex when you both feel ready. You may want to explore other avenues of making love aside from sexual intercourse, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation, until both of you feel comfortable with intercourse.

For more indepth information on a range of related topics go to our website http://reclaimsexafterbirth.com

or buy our ebook!

A free chapter is available here ‘The Post Birth Body’

or for you can find the comprehensive table of contents here

Especially with first babies, women can have a tendency to make their baby the centre of their universe. This often leaves little time to focus on, or be with their partner. This drought in every day intimacy and attention flows on to a coital hiatus. Nature, it seems, planned on this to ensure that babies are well looked after and future pregnancies are spaced out. The ‘drought’ can come from either partner and the disinterest in sex and intimacy, stems from a number of issues and conditions, which sadly is not discussed by even the closest of friends, much less the medical fraternity or the media.  Read the rest of the article

Every week we’re asked questions from women (and men) about intimacy and sex after giving birth and now we’re going to start answering them here. Hundreds of women and a few brave men have shared their experiences with us and we’ve heard it all.

Yes, even what women never talk about with their doctor.

Finally there’s a place you can ask those personal & embarrassing questions.

We’ve heard it all (and probably asked it ourselves too!). You’re safe here, you can even be anonymous.

We are here to help & support you, so ask away, what do you really want to know?

Here’s the first embarrassing question:

“After having a baby does sex still feel the same for the guy or not?”

In a nutshell – everyone is different; their emotional, psychological and physical needs all heal and grow at differing rates – especially after such an incredible emotional rollercoaster such as birthing ( This is for men and women).

Partners in the relationship dictate the boundaries and expectations of your sex life – you don’t need to blame it on a baby (or a changed job or house move etc etc) and yes – the exhaustion – both physically, mentally and emotionally may cause some tension on your usual good nature/ playfulness and libido.

If you are talking about PHYSICALLY does your sex life change i.e what about all the ‘bits’ size, tightness etc – yes it does change – but it can be for the better – especially if the lady in question sources some good pelvic floor muscle exercises (Kegel exercises) and may I recommend Ben Wa Balls – for women - ( search for them online – a few places sell them – just make sure you get surgical standard ones). One or both can be inserted to help strengthen pelvic floor muscles. When used regularly, Ben Wa Balls will restore elasticity and provide more pleasurable sensations during sex. Big smiles. EMOTIONALLY and PSYCHOLOGICALLY things shift a lot and it is a journey in reclaiming your sexuality – for both men and women.

Reclaiming your sexuality can be a wonderful adventure – so don’t treat it as a chore or something that you just gotta do – enjoy the journey!

Tell us what you think about this question or ask us your most embarrassing question.

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