Reclaim Sex After Birth

Everyone’s experiences make them an expert in their own right - so what is right for one couple may not be appropriate for another. Having sex after giving birth may either be very exciting or very anxiety provoking, or both. There are just as many women who feel that they are ready soon after birthing than there is who ‘put it off’ sometimes for months afterwards.

Most couples wait for the magical 6 week mark and are dreadfully disappointed when that incredible pre birth sex doesn’t happen. The physical facts are that within six weeks of birthing, your uterus should be back to its pre-pregnancy weight and size. Breastfeeding assists in stimulating the hormones released around this function. This is the reason that you are meant to have a six week check up and then are medically are ‘fit’ to commence intimate relations. Ignored and unaddressed are the emotional and psychological changes that have occurred.

For many women, the desire that they once had simply isn’t there. This is due to a myriad of reasons and can often be a complex matter to uncover.

Reasons for decreased desire

• Hormones: Desire for Sex and intimate touching or proximity is often diminished after birth due to decreased hormone levels. This may be particularly true for breastfeeding mothers, where the hormonal suppression can last months. Hormone levels rapidly decrease after birthing, and dependant upon your health, may fall contributing to PND and adjustment issues.
• Fatigue: Fatigue is a major factor. The baby is waking up at all hours, leaving you physically and mentally exhausted.
• Time: The opportunity just isn’t there. Life is suddenly changed to the point of chaos. This is particularly distressing for those mothers ( pick me!) who had been used to living their lives on a schedule and with a diary in hand.
• Body Image: Sometimes women and men feel differently about the woman’s body after she gives birth. Showing your love and support are especially during the first few months of being a parent. Remember you love each other. Remember to say so.
• Anxiety: Many women feel anxiety about the pain they might experience. Sex may be uncomfortable at the beginning, due to stress, stitches, healing and bruising. Your perineum may be very tender long after the six-week. Especially if you are breastfeeding, you may experience vaginal dryness due to lack of hormones.

You and your partner need to communicate about any issues that concern you, and only engage in sex when you both feel ready. You may want to explore other avenues of making love aside from sexual intercourse, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation, until both of you feel comfortable with intercourse.

For more indepth information on a range of related topics go to our website http://reclaimsexafterbirth.com

or buy our ebook!

A free chapter is available here ‘The Post Birth Body’

or for you can find the comprehensive table of contents here

Everyone’s experience is different. Some women find  stitches painful and slow to heal, and others experience much less discomfort. It depends on your physical health. Stitches should have dissolved by three to four weeks after the birth; if they haven’t, or you still feel uncomfortable, seek help from your doctor or health professional. Women who do have stitches need to be mindful that the stitches go through the skin, and that pain, especially through movement, is an indication that you need to stop and rest.  The stitches are pulling through tissues that are tender, bruised, swollen and traumatised. Read the rest of the article