Reclaim Sex After Birth

We started this e-book and set of articles with the intention of exploring how women could reclaim and rediscover their space and sexuality after birthing. However, we have had so much response from men - desperate in many ways - to understand what is going on in their loved ones muddled head, make sense of the highs and lows and reaching out to make contact again - but confused at how to even start.

I have begun to collect some wisdom and the entries below are in no way complete – so I would encourage you to post your reaction and suggestions to this. Its our intention to formulate this into a 5 steps to intimacy article or something similar..

MEN SO FAR HAVE CONTRIBUTED THIS WISDOM…………………………………

• Firstly, its easy to work you way into a rut. If you’re not having sex on a regular basis – then you and your partner are nothing more than room mates or good friends who happen to have shared children.

• There is no value in sulking or making demands unless you are both speaking the same language – have the same outcomes – so communication is the first step. Tell her how you are feeling. Ask her how she is feeling. Get a piece of paper and write down all the things you’d like your relationship to look like.
• Plan fun, (nearly) spontaneous activities – make a list of these and have little packs ready to go for these activities.
• Women love to plan things and its in the planning stage that they become consumed with the details and the research. You can also plan a sexual adventure – but lets keep this to family friendly activities just now!
• Simple things like picnics in your garden – or in a nearby park, near the water or on top of a building – surprising places.
• Explore different types of restaurants – ones you may not have been to or experienced. – be adventurous. An expensive restaurant is not an automatic turn on – its about the experience and the meaning behind it.
• Write notes, cards and little letters and leave them in unexpected places. Something short and meaningful – from the heart. Have a stock pile of them and hide them around the house etc at different intervals. Sned emails and texts with messages telling her how much you appreciate and love her. Text saucy messages – be specific ( I love your shell like ears – so tasty to nibble.. etc)
  
• Gifts aught to be inexpensive –not cheap. It is about the thought and the gesture – not the amount of money spent of the quantity of the item (eg flowers) specialty chocolates can be bought a piece at a time- wrap it in ribbon or in a little box.
  
  • When in public, make an expression of real affection – holding hands and quick squeeze of the knee in a café or in the movies and speak only positively about her if she is there – or absent.
  • Get a diary or a calendar and mark in important dates – like valentines day, her birthday, anniversary, childrens and relatives birthdays remembered also get big kudos.

Once the romance is reignited, the intimacy set again, then it can be further explored in the bedroom ( or outdoors!!)

Please feel free to post your suggestions on how men can get in touch with thier lovers again.