Welcome to December

Phew! It’s the end of the year … and Annie and Jodi would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.

We’d like to thank everyone, especially our partners, kids and friends who have supported us in creating our eBook and this website. And also to all those people who have bought Reclaim Sex After Birth: The Survival Guide and utilised our website. We feel very blessed to be able to fill the void in information regarding sex after birth and look forward to expanding the information in 2009.

Two very quick updates (as we appreciate that everyone is busy at this time of year) Firstly we have Reclaim Sex After Birth: the survival guide on CD in limited numbers, signed by both the authors. A perfect present for Christmas, blessingways and baby showers. Or treat yourself to the best information available about sex after birth.

Why?

Interim results from our Sex After Birth survey show that 3 in 4 couples receive no formal education in their ante natal classes to prepare them for sex after birth, nor do they do any self directed preparation. Grandfather of the Self Help movement in American, Henry James said:

“If your expectations meet your reality, you are happy.”

That’s what Reclaim is all about - giving couples an opportunity to reframe their expectations so they can meet the reality of life and love with a baby.

Secondly, Annie and Jodi both got over the 50,000 word finish line for the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). You can find extracts from our projects at:

Mistress Moon - Annie’s feminist speculative fiction novel.

Blue Melissae -  Jodi’s post environmental apocalypse sci-fi novel.

If you haven’t completed our sex after birth survey, please do. You can fill in the simple 10 question survey here, hosted by Survey Monkey. Our aim is to collect between 250 and 500 responses and we need your help. Some of the ways you can help us get all those responses is to:

* email the link on to friends, family and work colleagues
* post the link on your favourite forum
* create a link on your blog or website
* create a link to the survey on your FaceBook profile

Keep happy and connected. We hope you all have a relaxing and restorative festive season, that’s what we’re planning for.

We’ll see you in 2009.

:o) Annie and Jodi

Most couples wait for the magical six week mark and are dreadfully disappointed when that incredible pre birth sex doesn’t happen. The physical facts are that six weeks after birthing, the uterus should be back to its pre-pregnancy weight and size. Breastfeeding assists in stimulating the hormones released around this function. The six week check up that most women attend with a midwife or a doctor, is to check that a woman’s uterus has retracted, bleeding has stopped and tears or incisions have healed. Many women are simply asked if everything is ‘back to normal’ without their medical practioner actually looking at them or physically checking. Much more attention is given to discussing contraception rather than discussing concerns or worries about returning to an enjoyable and active sex life.  Read the rest of this article.

This is tough to generalize as – everyone is different; their emotional, psychological and physical needs all heal and grow at differing rates – especially after such an incredible emotional rollercoaster such as birthing ( This is for men and women) Although you are asking about whether the vagina will change and it ’seems’ to be just a physical thing - there is so much more wrapped up with this part of the body that you can’t separate the other senses.

However - to answer it straight - yes it does change -even if you have a c section - though birthing naturally will obviously ensure your vagina undergoes some dramatic shape changes – but it can be for the better. The physical facts are that your vagina will change in shape and firmness - this can be remedied and supported - through the pelvic floor ex - and look up Ben Wa balls - inserted for short periods to strengthen those muscles.( ensure you source surgical standard stainless steel ones)

You mentioned you like the way yours is at the moment and I am hazarding you mean the sensitivity and feelings you experience? - again - the physical and the emotional are hard to separate – I can’t stress the importance of some good pelvic floor exercises and/ or the Ben Wa balls

The emotional facts are a bit hazyer - your role has changed from lover to mother and many women find it hard to accept that they can be both. You need to reconnect with yourself as a sensual being before exploring another’s body and fully enjoying sex like you used to

Partners in the relationship dictate the boundaries and expectations of your sex life – and yes – the exhaustion – both physically, mentally and emotionally may cause some tension on your usual good nature/ playfulness and libido.

It all stems on your birth experience and the damage ( physically and mentally) that you have endured and the meanings you place upon those experiences in relation to sex. If you are still pregnant – great! You have time now to talk about expectations, fears and be equipped with a solid understanding of where each person is coming from. Sort all of this out before the incredible journey as a new parent takes hold. My advice is to keep an open and honest communication link with your partner and take things slowly – with little pressure – and connect again with yourself as a sensual being, before attempting to touch another.

Reclaiming your sexuality can be a wonderful adventure – so don’t treat it as a chore or something that you just gotta do – enjoy the journey!

What alot of people don’t realize is that they are craving affection and sensuality rather than the actual physical act of sex. There are many ways of showing your affection, maintaining the connection with your partner and having sexual contact with your partner, without having penetrative vaginal sex. Physical affection includes hugging and cuddling, holding hands, kissing - and ensuring that we tell our partners that we love them. Communicating your needs and encouraging your partner to communicate his are also important. Explore alternatives to vaginal sex while you allow your body to rest, heal and recover from birth (it takes up to and sometimes longer than 12 months for the a woman’s body to fully recover from birth).